Love Is The Investment

Here I am trying to be all philosophical again. This time on a subject that I really don't care to be philosophical about -- relationships.

Human emotion and the human mindset are strange things to attempt to be objective about, even for those that take part in the scientific field that requires objectivity. It's a strange thing for me to be objective about for I've certainly run the gauntlet of emotions and thoughts daily and I am certain that I am not the only one.

I'd rather that than live life stoic and nihilist, though whatever meaning I get out of living is of my own judgment.

Historically, I've whined and bitched about getting cheated on, flaked out on, used, blown off, screwed over, this, and that, but none of my whining and bitching was particularly constructive and it was just good whining. As usual, if you're consistently feeling undervalued and unappreciated, your self concept is going to go south. There some people I know that, after piss poor relationship after piss poor relationship, have a self concept and self-esteem so catastrophically low, that they have written themselves off as a lost cause. I've been there and done that. But yes, life is whatever one makes of it. I can look back at all the past attempted endeavors in a relationship and say that it was not meant to be. Or I can say that it's probably better it didn't happen. Or I can say anything that is a synonym for hindsight being 20/20. But what if your vision is better than 20/20? All right, I'm digressing.

Going back to my own personal philosophy of life being a business, a relationship is a partnership. Just like any business, the partnership has to be strong, cooperative, and most importantly, balanced. A partnership is not much of a partnership if it's dominated by one side or one side is not living up to their end of the bargain. It's a partnership in the observable sense, but it's clearly not something that's sustainable. Same as a relationship -- if someone's dominating too much or if someone's not living up to their end of the bargain, then it's not sustainable. That's fairly obvious. However, your foresight has to be clearer than your hindsight for you to realize that and do something about it.

Staying with that philosophy, the corollary is that love is an investment. And just like any investment it is indeed a crapshoot as to what kind of return you will get on it. You may profess all the love and adulation and belief in the world to someone and yet it will pay you no dividends, just like having faith in a stock that could eventually reap no benefits. But there are many times that an investment is worthwhile; a loving investment that is solid and productive that leads to a healthy, prosperous, and stable relationship. However, the bottom line is people invest because they want the payoff, in the case of the relationship -- one that lasts. Which leads to my next point.

Just like in the markets, there are those invest liberally and invest conservatively -- as in, there are those that will invest in as many stocks they can and hopefully there will be one that turns into a clear winner and then there are those that look to make sure that a prospective stock is sound and has room for growth before they put their money towards it. Just like relationships. There are those that will burn through relationships trying to find a winner and then there are those that will sit around until they found what's right for them. I'll admit, I'm in the latter camp.

The truth is, no matter how frequent or how brave or how whatever you are in your approach of finding somebody, it is indeed a game of chance and it is obviously better to know what you have sooner than later, even though its never conclusive. It's the fact that it is never conclusive at the outset and it's only conclusive when a resolution (a dissolving of the relationship or the maintaining of one) is what makes or breaks your self-esteem and self-concept, is what determines who you end up with, is what determines how many times you'll give somebody a second chance, is what determines if you'll play a Nash equilibrium game against yourself, and the list goes on.

Something can be learned from good investments and bad investments. What can be learned from a good investment is that you found a formula of what works. Granted, there's no telling if that formula that a formula works permanently, but it has to be a fluid formula that allows for evolution. A relationship is an evolving investment, an evolving partnership for stagnation only means damnation for the relationship.

As for the bad investment, you can take away what's not working. After a series of bad investments, of which I hope you can recover from, you'll have a clearer picture of what isn't working, whether it is the character of the people you get involved with, whatever faults that they have that you were willing to put up with, or whatever faults that you have that keep a relationship from being successful. Hopefully you will not get caught in the stagnation trap -- as in, the fairy tale that you had at 15 years old, should not be the same fairy tale that you have at 20, which should not be the same fairy tale that you have at 35, and certainly should not be the same fairy tale that you have at 45. 

However, allow me to say this: this is more a philosophical post, not an advice column. If you want advice then here it is: your most rewarding relationship will be a loving investment that you do not have make apologies for. You don't have to make apologies for yourself. You don't have to apologize to yourself. It will be an investment that comes naturally, where dividends and payoffs will be measured in love and happiness instead of pain and despair. This advice will not work for everybody, because indeed life is whatever you make it, but it goes back to what I more or less said in the power of living -- that there is value in this so-called life to be had if you're willing to open yourself up to it.